Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
