I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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