I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
