Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
