at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
