can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
