Dude my mom stole all your condoms
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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