Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
