Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
