I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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