She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
