Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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