someone threw a dead crab at me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
