I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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