thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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