I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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