I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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