A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
