Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love you.
Bad choice
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
