I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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