i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
