i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
