we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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