problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
