I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
