why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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