what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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