dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
