Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
