and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
