so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
