you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
