I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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