how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
