New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize