you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
