she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
