My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize