I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
