The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
