Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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