she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize