smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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