Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
