I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
