I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
