i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
