he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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