i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
