Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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