would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
