True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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