This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
