She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
