No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
