Well apparently he's into motor boating.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize