I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
