honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
