haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My hand turned me down
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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