im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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