sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
