i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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