to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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