Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
